Because Some Things Can’t be Reversed…

I started my classroom career teaching elementary school. One morning I was wanting to explain to my students the effect our words and actions have on others. To illustrate this, I took a 2 by 4 piece of wood and with a hammer, pounded a nail into it all the way through to the other side. Then, after a couple of yanks with the claw of the hammer, I pulled the nail out. The piece of wood was back to its original state. Well, almost, but not exactly. The students pointed out the new and permanent feature: a hole created by the nail!  

Our interactions with others often turn out that way.  As much as we wish we hadn’t made that snarky comment on Facebook, or un-friended an actual friend or relative, it’s too late. What’s done is done and apologies, while appreciated, don’t necessarily undo the damage.

Somethings can’t be reversed.

Ryan Holiday, writing in the Daily Stoic, tells the story of the Roman Emperor Hadrian  who flippantly misused his power.

He writes:

Maybe the secretary was incompetent. Maybe was working himself inhumanely hard. Maybe the stakes were extremely high, that lives were hanging in the balance on the dispatch that was being prepared. Maybe anyone would have snapped.

In any case, Hadrian did snap. In anger and frustration, he not only snapped and yelled, but he grabbed a stylus off the desk and stabbed the secretary in the eye with it. Hadrian had the power of life and death in a time when staff and slaves were expendable. So in this fit of rage, he used it. Still, it was shocking and horrifying to all who witnessed it. Even Hadrian seemed to understand he had crossed a line.

Begging for the man’s forgiveness later, he offered favors or money or a promotion. Galen, Marcus Aurelius’ doctor, would later write that when the man was told he could have anything he wanted, the man promptly replied that he would like his eye back.

Somethings can’t be reversed.

In order to actually practice thinking critically, to respond appropriately, and to teach our children to do the same, we need to check ourselves.  To dial back our tendency to react quickly and impulsively. Instead, we need to intentionally listen and try to understand the other’s point of view. We need to give the writer or speaker space and time to express him or herself, to make their point. Then, we need to give ourselves time to digest what’s been communicated before responding.

Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, put it succinctly:  Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Because some things can’t be reversed, be gracious to others, especially to those who hold contrary viewpoints. That’s rule number 1 for cultivating the skill of thinking critically .

Thanks for Reading!

Curt Bumcrot, MRE

We have an e-book, How to Ask Questions That Matter, which explains how to teach your child to think critically when it comes to taking an achievement test.  We think you’ll find it helpful!