Confidence, Comfort, and Hope

When you feel emotionally, physically, or spiritually empty or drained, do you ever ask yourself, is what I’m going through worth it?

I know I do.

You may have made a principled decision. You may have taken an unpopular stand because you wanted to honor God. You may, like the last line out of Robert Frost’s famous poem, have chosen to take the road less traveled expecting it would make a difference. Your decision from all appearances seemed heroic, and it did make a difference. Things are worse. Now you’re second guessing yourself.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

You may be asking yourself, “What’s next?” You may go further and be asking , “Ultimately, what’s ahead?”

Recently one of my children asked me if I thought if everyone’s prayers were making a difference. I answered “Yes,” but how do I really know, and what does “making a difference actually mean” or look like? For me, and likely for you, it boils down to faith, “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Just before entering Good Samaritan Hospital for my transplant, I reconnected with a parent whose child was in my class when I was a teacher at NCCS.  Having heard about my condition, he messaged me. He was currently in another hospital receiving his third round of chemo. He had been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a close cousin to Amyloidosis. Both are treated similarly, so I had an idea of what he was going through and he, me. He was a great encouragement, being real and honest. We agreed  that neither of us wanted the condition we found ourselves in.  We weren’t looking for a “silver lining” as a way to cope with our similar conditions. But, we did talk about God’s peace. We talked about fighting our condition with everything in us. His final words to me were “the best is yet to come.” For him, it came soon. He died the next month.

Since his death, a reoccurring question keeps surfacing for me. Why is he gone, and I remain? I know the “God has a plan for you” point of view. Not a wonderful plan as some suggest. These people are well-meaning, but they just haven’t lived long enough or seen the effects that sin and bad decision making can have on your life. In  spite of their best intentions, what we’re experiencing isn’t wonderful and no amount of rationalizing is going to change this. Sure, there are exceptions and some Christians live a relatively storm-free life.  I also agree that God has a plan, but knowing that my life hasn’t unraveled randomly doesn’t answer the question I’m really asking.

He and I were both believers, about the same age, both entrepreneurs, had grandchildren, were physically fit, and had immediate family members counting on us to “be there.” Our “to do” lists were equally full. And most importantly, both of us had many people praying for us, asking for healing. Again though, the question is, “Why is he gone, and I remain?”

Some would say, “God is sovereign.” I wouldn’t disagree. But this still misses the point of the question I’m asking, and maybe the question you’re asking about what you’re experiencing.  

The struggle we have when it comes to prayer and God‘s response often comes down to why, if God is all powerful, doesn’t he act and do something?  The Scriptures are full of examples of God’s direct intervention. But, they are also full of Jesus seemingly being passive when it comes to accomplishing his will, the cross being the supreme example. The people of his day didn’t find the Suffering Servant described in Scripture attractive or acceptable. Neither do we. I’m pretty sure they didn’t like his rising from the dead only to leave a few weeks later by disappearing into the clouds. What kind of God does this?  

Back to the question of prayer and God responding. What does it take to get Jesus’s attention? What does it take to get him to act? Does it take a donation of “$82.00 dollars to get 82 days of blessing” as you hear constantly from some TV evangelists?

Does it take a tenacious pursuit of Jesus, much like that of the Canaanite woman when she asked him to heal her daughter? In spite of Jesus’s snarky answer, we’re closing in on a better explanation especially if you see her actions as an act of faith. But still, it comes up short especially when what you’re facing and what needs to be done doesn’t seem to be the way God sees it if his actions (or lack of actions) imply anything.

The difference between me and my friend is not one of character, faith, behavior, or things we did or didn’t do. If anything, he was a far better person than me. His death coming so quickly after we connected simply doesn’t have a satisfactory explanation. Neither does what you’re going through as well. 

So, here are three thoughts that are helping me, and might be of help to you.

• First, while the Bible is full of prayer and encouragement to “let our requests be known to God,” it’s also full of mystery, paradox, and unanswered questions.

Deuteronomy 29:29 says, “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” Looking to Scripture to guide my prayers brings me confidence.

• Second, by acknowledging the help we need is not to be found from within but rather is to be found outside of ourselves brings comfort and rest.  The Latin phrase, Extra Nos, outside yourself, captures this idea.

We depend on him for our very breath. Acts 17:25.

In him we move and have our being. Acts 17:28.

“For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” Romans 14:8

All of the above should lead us to gratefulness and a heavy leaning on Jesus when what we’re going through is too much. 

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

Psalm 46:1-3

• Finally and ultimately, when it comes to our faith, what we tell ourselves, our children, and the world around us must always circle back to the hope we have in Christ. God’s activity in our life is not about moral improvement, spiritual progress, or passing divine tests. Its about him coming, rescuing, and being with us in the mess we find ourselves in.

Please be praying for continued healing of my organs and the building of my immune system. In about a month I’ll know more about how successful the stem cell transplant was. Symptom wise, I’m encouraged.

Thank you for traveling this road with me!

Curt