Time: Events, Activities, and Limitations

On Friday, I made a decision to forgo my chemo treatment. On Thursday I got a chest x-ray and it showed pneumonia. My immune system, being compromised due to the chemo, isn’t working properly. Would  wearing a mask in public have prevented this? (Which I didn’t. I don’t like the attention they draw.) Maybe.

The choice I made came down to whether I would do chemo and a seven-day antibiotic regiment or just one of the two treatments. I didn’t want to do both. I have too many drugs already floating around in my system. The week after this I will choose again. I start to feel really bad, crash physically and emotionally actually, near the end of each chemo treatment session. Our 27^th high school graduation ceremony is next week and I want do everything I can to make it and MC it as I have in the past. I’ll say more about choices in a moment.

I’m scheduled to do a second bone marrow biopsy next week. My oncologist will be checking to see if my stem cells are healthy enough to be harvested in anticipation of a transplant. Please pray for insight and direction once we get the results. I am in a form of remission, thanks to the chemo. I asked my oncologist, that if I don’t do a transplant, how long before the amyloids return to finish their job and shut down a major organ? He said one to two years.

I began to think about this. One to two years. At least this represents an upgrade from my other oncologist who suggested I’d be singing with heavenly choir as early as mid-July. One to two years isn’t much time.

Most of us live and attempt to manage our lives by a calendar. For me, prior to diagnosis, it was a calendar with an endless number of pages- basically a management tool with unlimited time. After hearing this news, I wasn’t thinking so much about time in terms of the number of days or months I have left. I wasn’t thinking about circling some date in May of 2021 and tearing off the rest of the pages and saying to myself, “Won’t be needing these…” No, I was thinking about it differently. I was thinking about the time I have left in terms of events and activities, and the remaining time to do them. I was also thinking about what I’d likely miss out on in the future, and I was angry.  

I first read about this idea of time in terms of activities and events in a blog post written by Tim Urban about three years ago. This perspective will help anyone, terminal or otherwise. Instead of thinking of your life simply chronologically, he encouraged his readers to think of their life differently- in terms of activities and events.

First, let’s assume you’re 45 years old. Then, pick a number that represents your age on your final birthday. For our purposes, let’s pick 85. You’ve got 40 more years to live, give or take. So far out there that you don’t think about it much, maybe not at all. Then, think about things that are important to you.

I’ve picked a few. As a 45 year-old you have:

• Birthdays: 40 celebrations coming your way.

• Vacations: if you alternate between annual staycations and vacations, you’ve got 20 or so trips away from home to look forward to.  

• In’N’Out burgers: I love them but they’re located mainly in California. You have to go there to get one. If you decide to vacation in California taking half your vacations there, you’ve got about 10 burger meals left in your life.

• Golf with your uncle. Let’s say I have an uncle who comes to visit every two years. Each time we get in a game of golf. Assuming he is able to visit me over the next 15 years, that would be 7 or 8 more games of golf to look forward to.

• New cars: Let’s say I average getting a new car (a car new to me anyway) every 6 years. I have 6 new cars to look forward.

• Family reunions where everyone is together. When I think about raising 3 children, now all adults, the last time we were all together in one place was for my youngest daughter’s wedding. If you are able to get everyone together only once a year you’ve got 40 more family reunions. 40 get-togethers compared to the 360 days a year they spent together growing up isn’t much time, a sliver really.

If we want more of something, we must plan and make room for it. If we want less of something, we must take it out of our schedule. Life isn’t an unlimited stretch of time in this world. We must prioritize what we do with it. To not prioritize is to leave yourself open to regret. Regret as in just going with the flow, of just letting things happen.

For a visual impact of your data, use the icons feature in Word. Choose an icon that associates with each activity you are tracking/planning. Use that icon to represent the number times you will engage in the activity. Then, add an icon for each of the times you’ve engaged your entire life. Cross out the number of engagements leading up to today. You’ll see something that may shock you. You’re near the end, at least for some of activities!

The Psalmist put it this way:

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

-Psalm 90:12

Lord, may this be true in our lives.

Thanks for reading!

Curt
PS- Check out Thelma’s classes for next year Here. She’s offering some great content and is now enrolling students!