Prayer, Meditation, and Tentatio

God has a wonderful plan for your life. That’s what I was told many years ago by Campus Crusade For Christ. The suffering piece, though, didn’t get mentioned  as part of the plan in one of their most famous and popular tracts of all time.

Well, the fact is, we will all suffer at some point in our lives. Seasons when we experience affliction aren’t necessarily non-stop, but can come close to it. You wonder if what you’re going through will ever let up. In some cases, the suffering is not obvious. It’s an inside deal, hidden to the casual observer. In other cases, it pretty clear something is wrong. Just prior to my diagnosis, I had two people, acquaintances, ask within days, “Is everything OK?” They had an awareness, maybe intuitively, that something just wasn’t right. I’m hoping that by sharing my experiences you will be helped and encourage in your faith. We’re not alone. Jesus is with us even though at times he seems absent. Faith tells us he will never leave us or forsake us. Angels, appointed by God for our benefit, are present too. I don’t get it, but I believe it. It’s impossible to discern apart from the eyes of faith God gives.  

God makes himself known to us through suffering. A friend emailed me recently and said,

I wish you did not have to go through this so-very-big challenge but now I imagine that you know our Lord in ways that I do not and have had closer moments with Him in ways that I have not. I pray now that He will surprise you with huge doses of faith and peace and joy and trust amidst this.

He was right on the mark.

When first diagnosed, I mentioned I dove deep into the Psalms. I’m still there. Being up most of the night due to steroid side effects, the number of books I’ve purchased from Amazon has increased. I don’t know about you, but if I read a compelling and interesting footnote in one book, I sometimes think to myself, “I need to read more from the writer this author is quoting.” So easy. Amazon is just a click away…  

A few recent titles I’ve picked up:

Upside Down Spirituality 

In the Shadow of the Cross

The Word of the Cross

The Sign of the Cross

The Scandalous God

Hanging by a Promise

Fruit for the Soul (The lament Psalms)

Dark Night of the Soul

Luther’s Outlaw God

When God becomes my Enemy (The complaint Psalms)

That’s not all the books I’ve purchased recently, but enough for you to see a common theme- the word cross appears a lot!  Don’t take this as me being on a constant downer. What is calledcross theology has been my focus as I’ve attempted to simplify my life. One of the reformers said it this way: The Cross is our Theology. Jesus truly does save. Through eyes of faith, we realize just how foundational the first verse many of us had our children memorize, John 3:16, is.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever should believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

What I thought a lot about over Easter weekend was that Christ was raised bodily from the dead. Raised bodily- really important for those suffering physically. A new body awaits each of us in heaven! Those mansions or dwelling we read about in the gospel of John will be inhabited by flesh and blood people, you and me! Praise God for Christ’s physical resurrection on Sunday!

Suffering is the common lot for all of us. In my last blog I said there was no value in comparing levels or degrees of suffering. We all have our crosses, and they differ in character and intensity.  

The way I’m approaching God has morphed some as I attempt to discern and understand (to the degree that I can) his work in my life. Three ideas, three descriptive words, now describe more and more the shape my faith is taking. These ideas/activities cycle and repeat.  

• Prayer: for the gift of the Holy Spirit to bring reception and illumination as I read and think about God’s word.

• Meditation: Reading the Bible both silently and out loud. I’m not seeing this activity as a process of self-development but in passive terms, as a process of receiving from God. I’m not seeing this as a way of self-promotion or self-development. Nor am I seeing this as a form of ladder climbing, ascending to God. I see it as God descending to me.
  
  
• Tentatio: Spiritual attack, crosses, sending me back to Jesus for more prayer and meditation.
  
  

As I mentioned, these ideas tend to cycle for me. There is a pattern.

What You Can Pray For:

Logan:

Surgery has been moved back a day to Friday. Logan, my pastor, and I along with my wife Jenny and Logan’s mom got together last Friday for a visit and prayer, anointing with oil. His surgery has been moved a day out to this coming Friday, May 3^rd.  Please pray!

Myself–

Amyloids: This round of chemo is going better. The goal is to push my amyloid numbers (light chains called kappa and lamba) down, way down. Once “the factory” stops producing these pesky little bastards as my Mayo oncologist put it, I’ll enter a state of temporary remission, and my organs can to some degree recover. Not all the way, but to some degree.

Cholesterol: My kidney function appears to be improving. My cholesterol numbers in all cases are dropping!  Amyloidosis in the kidneys jack your numbers up. Food has some impact, but not much. Statins are recommended which I want to avoid, and they can be if the numbers go down.

Edema: Please pray that my edema doesn’t get out of hand. Dandelion tea, compression socks which I don’t like to wear, and constant elevation are helping greatly. But if I get complacent, I’ll need to go back on the blood pressure meds to control this.

Neuropathy: That the nerve damage as a side effect of my chemo treatments will be minimal, even reversed. 

OK, that’s all for now. Thanks for reading!

Curt