Memento Mori Part 12: Death as an Enabling Limitation
In the movie, The Age of Adeline, Adeline, the female lead character, is involved in a car accident in which she miraculously survives. Another miracle takes place. From that day forward, the process of normal aging for her stops.
What might be considered a desirable state- always youthful- turns out to be a curse relationally. As her peers age, she does not. Eventually, questions about the secret of her agelessness start to surface. Every decade or so she realizes her need to start over in a new job, in a new location, with new friends. Heartbroken over the relationships she’s had to leave behind, she repeats this over and over again until someone recognizes her from the past and uncovers her secret.
This movie pushes the viewer to ponder the nature of mortality. Actually, the value of mortality.
I like the way Patrick Reardon reflects about mortality. In an article written a few years. He wrote:
One of the blessings of death is that it provides a structural context in which we human beings do our work. That is to say, death supplies a framework for life, an enabling limitation that braces us to life.
Think about the 12th station of the cross, “Jesus died.” He died willingly for you and for me. He chose to become one of us and in so doing he consented to the framework all of us live under, a framework that ultimately leads to death.
Memento Mori- “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”
In my previous article, I said I would provide some practical suggestions on living memento mori in light of the little deaths we experience and our ultimate death awaiting all of us. Using the serenity prayer as a spring board, here are three suggestions for you to consider:
God grant me the serenity to:
- accept the things I cannot change:
Don’t frustrate yourself by attempting to “fix” or impose “change” on those who aren’t asking for it.
Ryan Holiday of the Daily Stoic, wrote recently:
The things people do are inexplicable, even insane. The things they manage to be offended about, the positions they stake out. The confrontations they seek out. The choices they make.
Ryan suggests that you tune it out. You don’t have time to argue, time to try to change or reform people who aren’t asking for your help. It’s best to leave them alone.
- courage to change the things I can:
For those who are open to change and asking for help, here are some ways to open conversations rather than close them:
Replace: Just stay positive
With: That must be really hard
Replace: Everything happens for a reason
With: I’m sorry you’re going through this
Replace: Look on the bright side
With: Is there anything I can do to support you?
*Adapted from avamariedoodles
- the wisdom to know the difference.
Instead of measuring your life in units of time, measure it in terms of activities, events, and relationships that remain.
Tim Urban, writing on his blog, Wait but Why, shows how this approach to living in light of your mortality, living memento mori, should affect the decisions you make.
Given your age and an anticipated life expectancy:
How many winters or summers are still left for you to experience?
How many trips to your favorite restaurant are you likely to enjoy?
How many football or baseball games can you expect to go to?
How many summer vacations are left before your children leave home to start their adult lives?
How many anniversaries remain to celebrate with your spouse?
How many visits with your parents can you plan on before they pass away?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Tim’s conclusions:
- Living in the same place as the people you love matters.
- Priorities matter.
- Quality time matters.
Read his article here.
Thanks for reading!
Curt Bumcrot, MRE
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