8 Words for Parents of Graduates Taking A Gap Year
Last week we held our New Covenant Christian Academy graduation ceremony. I love this evening, especially the part when the parents (or parent, some are single) come up on stage to join their son or daughter.
After I present the diploma, I go back to my seat. Then, the mom and dad take a few minutes to talk to their graduate. Even though the setting is public, what they say is often personal. There may be tears. Everything is microphoned, so we’re invited and privileged to listen in. A parent might read a scripture or share some memories. They always convey their love and pride. Usually, they end by expressing their hope and confidence in the future. Finally, they walk off the stage and it’s the next graduate’s turn.
Some graduates have a clearly mapped-out plan. They know the college or trade school they’ll be going to. They know what they’ll likely major in or study. They know what kind of job they’ll be qualified for afterwards, and so on. Others — well, they’re taking a gap year.
A gap year? What’s that?
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One of two graduates I spoke to who is taking a gap year put it this way. “This next year will be a gap year for me. I’m not sure what I will be doing, maybe work. I know, though, that I won’t be enrolling in any type of formal training or program. I’m taking a year off.”
For some parents, this was the last thing they expected and wanted to hear. Did they spend the last eighteen years preparing and working hard for… a gap year? No way.
I know something about gap years. I started attending a university full-time when I was seventeen. That’s what was expected of me and what everybody in my circle did. We didn’t question it. Even though I was off to a fast start, It took me twelve years to graduate. I was twenty-nine.
Eight of the twelve years it took me to get my BA degree were “gap years.” They weren’t what you’d call productive. I didn’t serve in the military. I didn’t go overseas with the Peace Corps. I think, though, they were necessary to my growing up. This wasn’t the path my parents wanted or advised me to take, not that I was taking anyone’s advice back then too seriously. I thought I knew it all.
There are eight words Jesus has for us who are concerned for a graduate who may be taking a gap year (or two or three).
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After the resurrection, the disciples decide to go fishing. Jesus appears and tells them where to throw their nets. The catch is great. They meet him back on shore where he makes breakfast for them. Peter is having a one-on-one with the Lord and is told something about his own future. Jesus sums it up simply by telling him to “follow me.” That should have been good enough, but the story doesn’t end there.
Peter turns around and notices John. “What about this guy, Jesus? What’s going to happen to him? What’s you plan for John? I want to know, so if he goes “off plan,” I can steer him back on. I wouldn’t want him to miss Your Will.”
Peter is being nosey. He’s meddling. Jesus is direct with Peter and says, “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.”
This is hard counsel to follow, at least for me.
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For the eighteen years leading up to each of my three children’s graduation, my wife and I “managed” their lives pretty closely. In their teen years we gradually released them to make their own decisions, but not entirely. Then came the day when each of them moved out of our home. They started making decisions apart from us, some not the best in our opinion. But, these decisions were their decisions.
Add time and distance between you and your adult child and you’re likely to have a false assumption of what’s best for him or her. It seemed to work that way for me. What I’m saying is that after having seen only the tip of the iceberg of their life apart from you in a given moment, we think we know what’s best for them. Maybe Jesus is leading us to advise them, unsolicited. Maybe they listen if we’re on to something, or maybe not if we come across as judging. Maybe it’s a mix of both.
So, what if your graduate is taking a gap year?
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If it’s your son or daughter, it can be frustrating if they take this path. After all, most of us think the typical sequence should go something like this:
- Graduate from high school
- Go to college
- Get good grades
- Go to graduate school
- Get a good job
- Get married
- Get some promotions
- Get a house
- Have children
- Etc…..
That’s great if it works out that way. But if it doesn’t? It’s their life and not yours—something we need to remind ourselves of constantly. Pray, and take to heart, Jesus’s words to Peter.
What is that to you? You follow me.
And – if you’re a friend of a family who has a graduate taking a gap year. Relax. Don’t we have enough details complicating our own lives without taking on someone else’s? Again, pray and take to heart Jesus’s words.
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Thanks for Reading!
Curt Bumcrot, MRE
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